Who knew Darts was so elitist?

Those of you who follow me on Facebook and Twitter will already know that I was up in Wolverhampton on the weekend for the PDC’s Grand Slam of Darts. It’s the only tournament that features players from the two rival ‘factions’ of the game, the PDC and BDO, after the great schism of 1992. And Aussie Simon ‘The Wizard’ Whitlock was tipped to do well.

One of the things that struck me in my travels around the UK is how popular darts is. I stayed with a family in Wiltshire where the daughter had posters of Phil ‘The Power’ Taylor on her wall. And in Essex I hung out with ‘troubled’ youth who had failed maths at school but could tell you exactly what combination you needed to close out 127.

But to be honest, it wasn’t deep, sociological questions that drove me to attend my first darts tourney. I watched a couple of legs live on ITV4 and decided that I wanted to dress up as a Teletubbie, drink jugs of lager and wave a placard saying ‘I won a caravan’ too.

It was sold out, of course. But one of the perks of having a few books out is being up to ring up and ask for media accreditation. I turned up at the door of the Wolverhampton Civic Centre and duly got my press pass.

Sadly, one of the conditions was that I couldn’t be seen drinking alcohol. Another was that I couldn’t be a Teletubbie. Or a character from Thunderbirds, a Flintstone, one of the Village People or Stewie from Family Guy. Any sombrero I was carrying had to be checked into the cloak room.

Anyways, I had a top night and got to chat to Simon Whitlock. The only downer was being kicked out of the Players’ Lounge for looking too scruffy. But more about that in the book …

BTW Thanks to all my Facebook friends who sent in suggestions for my new darts name.

In no particular order they included: The Marmeliser, Show ‘em the Door, Scores, The Wasp, Vespo, Punter, Aussie Flight, Footsore,The Traveller, Don’t Call Me Kiwi, The Full Montezuma, and The Sledger.

All good. I reckon we should set up an online Darts name consultancy!