Quote Unquote

Ever since I had my first book published I’ve always looked enviously at the fabulous quotes on the back cover of every other author’s books. They’re always raptuous about what’s inside and because I didn’t have any I always thought I was crap. Then I went out briefly with a chick-lit author – don’t ask! – and discovered that all the great quotes were written by her friends.

As you all know, I don’t have any famous friends, preferring as I do the company of scruffy former-backpackers that I met in skanky hotels in Africa. So the covers of my books are free of quotes claiming that I am ‘the next Bill Bryson.’ (OK, the revised edition of NSITT had a quote from John Birmingham but I had to buy him a beer to do it.)

Lately though other people have been asking me to give them quotes. Frankly, it’s not something I like to do. The first time I was asked to do it by my publishers I felt like I had too and left an encrypted message as to what I really thought about the book. (The quote was a ‘Sensuous, Harrowing, Inspirational Trip’. Take each first letter and you’ll get my real opinion.) That proved a bit esoteric so now I just don’t do them.

I do make exceptions though. And a new DVD by a small film company from Manchester is one of them. It’s called Grand Tour Europe and follows two blokes in a TVR as they drive around Europe looking for the perfect road. It’s not as slick as Top Gear but the way the locals interact with them is brilliant. The cops let them have a quick burn around the Grand Prix circuit in Monaco, a glamorous Italian woman takes them for a spin in her Fiat Cinquecentro and there’s a great scene where a pack of Italian schoolboys surround the car and take photos of it with their mobile phones.

I gave the guys three quotes telling them to pick the one they liked best – something I used to do with headlines when I worked in advertising. I don’t think they could decide because if you visit their website they’ve used all three!