I just received confirmation of my appearance at the Lincoln Book Festival on Friday 20th May and a contract I have to sign and return to prove that I will actually turn up. It’s the first contract that I’ve ever read that’s made me laugh out loud. Not because of the amount of money I’ll be paid (I already knew it was a freebie) but because after the first time my name was mentioned I was hereafter referred to as The Artiste.
Now I’ve been called a lot of things in my time, some of them even complimentary, but I’ve never been called an artiste. Nor have I ever considered myself one. In my mind artistes wear thin moustaches and berets and ponce about smoking cigarettes in ridiculously long cigarette holders. I’ve only ever done that once – a very long time ago and when I was very drunk.
Anyway, if you’re around Lincoln at 3.30 pm on the above mentioned date, pop into Lincoln Central Library on Freeschool Lane. If you spot someone in a black and white striped t-shirt demanding a red carpet entrance lined with candles that’ll be me. Or one of the other Artistes attending the festival that day.
This is where you'll find everything you need to know about me and my books.
